Waiting for the phone to ring. That really happens y'know. Sitting by the fecking thing waiting.... no, WILLING for it to ring and of course it never does. Just hanging on for that answer. Have I got it? Have I got the bloody job?!?!? The agony of not knowing. 2 recalls and another audition are all well and good but at the end of the day you have to get the job, and I was determined to get one.
I got more than one.
I'm greedy boy. That said, there was a lot of sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring. But before that there was the auditions and at least they weren't all on the one day. Thank Jesus! The 'Beckett' recall was first. A bit of a mixed bag to be honest. If you will remember my first audition was peachy, the casting director really liked me, obviously enough as here I was back again and to meet the director this time. I make me way to the Theatre Royal Haymarket in the glittering west end where this play is to be performed and on my way in I bump into the very affable and very deadly actor Richard Stacey with whom I had the pleasure of working with last year in a little show which about 10 people saw, although I did get to meet Darius after one performance whoop de fucking doo! But I digress. Anyway in I go to show them what I'm made of. The director is seated at the table on the stage along with the casting director. I recognise him. Apart from being a well known director he was also at the Ian Charleson Awards dinner. Sweet. Maybe I can mention my nomination to jog his memory. Hmmm. The opening chit chat goes well with the usual question of 'Tell me about yourself'. I do so in great detail even though, as you all know, I am not one to talk about myself. Yeah right. But I'm working hard not to leave him know that I'd do anything (non-homosexual) to get this part. Directors can smell desperation and that's a big no no. Nobody employs desperate actors. No mention of the Charleson though. Then he gets me to read. Now the first time I had read this piece was for the casting director who very much liked me reading it in my own accent, always a help, so this time round I launch into it in my best brogue knowing that its a popular choice of tongue. I finish and I sit back and wait for the compliments.
'Can you do it in another accent?' quoth the director.
Oh. Right. Fair enough so. RP it is. This throws me a bit as I was expecting the Déise twang to be sufficient, but obviously not. The second reading is fine though and he seems pleased which is grand. Nice, and I think that's it. It'll be the goodbye now and off to wait for the phone to ring. But he asks me one last question.
'So of your work what would be the best thing you've done?'
Nice one! Time to play the trump card. I proceed to tell him about the Shakespeares at Regent's Park.
'What did you play in them?' he asks.
'Flute and Sir Thurio.'
'Ah, two great parts.'
He's impressed, I'm liking this big time and I launch into how it was my first time doing Shakespeare on stage and what an experience it had been and to top it all off I delivered the coup de grace;
'And then I was nominated for the Ian Charleson award for them.'
I sat back and waited for realisation to dawn on him that he had seen me at it and we would have a jolly laugh and I would leave making a big time impression on him and just wait for the offer.
'Yes, well, its not that hard to teach someone how to perform Shakespeare. Its not the great mystery that some would have us believe.'
He seems well unimpressed at me mentioning it. Me heart sinks. He says that they'll be in touch when they make their decision in a couple of days.I have a really bad feeling I blew it. Shit! It was the one I wanted big time as well. On the way out the casting director is extremely complimentary saying I gave a terrific reading, so that fills me with some hope, but I don't know. I head off for coffee and a chat with the aforementioned Mr. Stacey and we bitch for an hour before I have to go and do a show of Willows. It'll be fine though. Its just the director not giving anything away is all. I'm still in with a shout. And sure I'll know soon enough. The following day the phone went. It wasn't the agent. It was a text from Richard Stacey saying that he had been offered 'Beckett'.
Crap.
Immediately I jumped to every conclusion going. That's it so, the offers are out and there's no triumphant return to the West End for me buddy. I ring the agent to inform her. Its her answering machine. Good sign, it means there might be another message offering me "Beckett'
Nope.
No messages only mine. The agent's like a bitch and immediately tries to ring the casting director but not a sign. She's out for the day. AAAAGGH! The fecking agony! I just want to know once and for all. My recall for the 'Country Wife' the next day had taken on a new importance. 'Beckett' was looking dodgy, I hadn't a clue how 'Beauty Queen' would go a few days later and I needed to know what was happening as I had agreed to write the music for 'Lord of the Flies'. If I got 'Beckett' or 'Country Wife' I would have to fly home the day Willows finished, but if I got 'Beauty Queen' I could hang fire for a couple of weeks and sort out moving to York. Of course if I got none of them then I could go home at my leisure, but I didn't want to think about that option. No way boy. I had to get one of these.
The recall for 'Country Wife' goes well though. Thank Christ! They're still talking to me about how the character should be Irish. Great. They get me to do some more reading and the chat is good but this time I don't big meself up to the point of annoyance. Whatever they need to know is on me CV and anything else they'll ask me. No more volunteering info. It doesn't pay. Big time. 'The Country Wife' would be a grand job, the director seems like a good head I'm unsure about the script but it's still being worked, and also Watford (where it's on of course) is close enough for me to still live in me flat in London. So how bad. Problem is I just finished reading 'The Beauty Queen of Leenane' and it's the business. A brilliant play and a deadly deadly part. I'd like a bit of that. Oh yes indeedy! Although the character is described as being 20 but maybe i could just about squeeze it. Then the phone goes. Oh Jesus its the agent! What news?
'I just spoke with the Casting director for 'Beckett' and she said that a decision hasn't made about the role you're up for. She'll know more by the middle of next week."
Aw man. Just when I thought there wouldn't be a sign of me getting 'Beckett' I'm back in the running but now it really is the waiting game as it'll be a yes or no. Simple as that. So imagine my heart racing every time there's a buzz in my pocket or I hear that familiar ringtone. This situation is only made worse by the fact that i have one of the most common phones in England. Everyone has the bloody same one as me and everyone uses the same ringtone! So I'm out in a shop and i hear someone else's go and I still have a minor coronary. Me nerves were shattered. The day after the 'Country Wife' recall I hear that all too common ringtone. It is mine. It is mine agent. Could it be.......
'They've offered you 'Country Wife'
How bad.
'I told them you're still waiting for an answer on another job so you couldn't accept it straight away. They weren't happy. We have until Tuesday to tell them.'
It was Friday, me 'Beauty Queen' audition was Monday, so I'd need to know about everything by Tuesday or else I would have to turn down 'Country Wife'. There was no way I could risk losing a West End job, so I might possibly have to risk losing everything. I may still end up with no job. That was a real possibility.
'Don't worry I'll get them to give us more time.'
That's why I pay her the money I do. And she sorts it out no hassle, we now have till the following Friday. Right though. Time to chill over the weekend and do some work on 'Beauty Queen'. I spend that Sunday looking at it, and more and more its beginning to dawn on me just how good this play is. As well as that the part is far better that the one in 'Country Wife' and even the part in 'Beckett'. The thing about 'Beckett' though is that it's in the West End boy. That's where we all want to be. But I'm really starting to want 'Beauty Queen' as well. But only Jesus can be in two places at once so that's not going to happen.
Me audition's at 10.30am and I'm in good spirits about it. I head into the waiting area and there's a guy already there looking at a photocopied script which has been provided. I look all swish as I pull my own copy of the script out of me bag. I look like an actor who know's his stuff and the other guy looks like he's about 20 years old. Shite. Now I'm starting to feel old. Fuck it though, I'm here now. I walk in to meet the director of the play and the Artistic Director of the Theatre and they're grand chaps and again the chat is good and I'm being very modest indeed. It's a trick I've learned. The reading is good and they get me to do it a few times with some direction and all seems pretty cool and we sit down again for a closing chat and the director says;
'I must say you have the pushiest agent I've ever come across. She kept ringing me and ringing me about seeing you.'
Sounds like my girl alright. Although I'm not sure if he thinks it's a bad thing.
'But she's doing her job very well because she got me to see you and I'm very glad I did.'
Now that's what I like to hear! But then he hits me with a shocker;
'So it'll be about 2 weeks before we can leave you know.'
Whaaaaaaaaaaatttt!?!?!?!? Jesus I have to give me answer to the other crowd by fecking Friday. Of course I don't say that. But wait there's more;
'We have a lot of people to consider as we've just seen people in Dublin as well.'
Well that's the end of that then. Not a hope. It'll definitely go to some young fella from Dublin who's just finished Trinity. Not a question about it. It's always the way. No need for me to worry about waiting for 2 weeks for an answer, I know the answer already. No. 2 days later the agent rings;
'They've offered you 'Beauty Queen''
You beauty! Well I got that answer wrong. Thank Jesus. 2 weeks me arse. But me nerves are still shattered with waiting for 'Beckett'. What's the story.
'Still no news and the director of 'Beauty Queen' is not too pleased that we can't accept it straight away. I rang him quite a lot to make sure he saw you.'
I know, he told me. So excruciating wait continues. All the while I'm just hoping that I don't end up with nothing. Later that day the phone goes and this is it I now it. This phone call will determine whether I'm doing 'Beauty Queen' or 'Beckett' ('Country Wife' had exited the frame at this stage).
'Its a no for 'Beckett'' says the agent. She's not a bit happy. I'm relieved to be honest.
I knew deep down that it wasn't going to happen. A valuable lesson learned really. My return to the West End would have to wait. If, of course, it would ever come at all. But let's be honest 2 out of 3 aint bad as the song goes. The 'Country Wife' crowd aren't best pleased but these things happen. 'Beauty Queen' it is so and its hardly a consolation prize. Excellent play, excellent part. And also I get to go home for the best part of 5 weeks to write some music. The best of all possible situations that didn't include a play with me man out of 'Twin Town'. My agent tells me there's a possibility of getting seen for a play in the West End with Holly Hunter but I'd have to turn down 'Beauty Queen' and run the real risk of not working for 4 or 5 months. Feck that. I had the play and was doing it. 'The Beauty Queen of Leenane'. I remember the buzz about it when it was first on with Anna Manahan in it. I never thought one day I'd get to do it.
She did it in New York. I'm doing it in Old York.
Start spreading the news boy.
